Monthly Archives: May 2012
|May 18, 2012||Posted by Angry Nerd under Humor, Rants, work|
I get into a lot of arguments; a trait which is highly admirable and shows how dangerously exciting and controversial I am (or just that I am a aggressive, generally disagreeable person). Because of this, I hear a lot of bad arguments from not-very-intelligent people (the only kind that will argue with me), and one of the most common ones is “I don’t get it!” You have probably heard it a few times yourself either because you’re a good looking, intelligent, eloquent person who has to endure not-arguments like these, or because you’re the kind of crustacean-crotch retard who tries to wield these bad arguments like a sledgehammer whenever there’s a disagreement. Recognize this scenario? You’re in an argument, and the person you’re arguing with, upon having exhausted their highly-limited supply of valid arguments (and quite likely their almost limitless supply of invalid ones) claim they they ”Just don’t get it!” and look all smug like you owe them an explanation? This happens all the time, and was recently ruled as a justifiable reason for murder by the supreme court of Texas. This kind of not-argument pisses me off for several reasons:
The arrogant piece of crotch-rot is faking a willingness to change their opinion if you present more convincing arguments, even though you just did that. For extra points, they will include all your good arguments in their bad one in an attempt to nullify them. Example: “I still don’t get why you should be paid more than me just because you’re more qualified and achieve better results?”
It’s used to attempt put the burden of evidence on the accused. This is a favorite for old crusty vagina-heads who takes it as a personal affront whenever someone does something that goes against their personal beliefs or preferences, because they think you need to justify being different from them. Example: “I just don’t understand why you have to listen to this loud, violent music?”
It’s an attempt to shift the burden of ignorance from themselves to you. Like it’s not bad enough having to deal with their ignorant bullshit, you should now also share the burden for helping the mentally handicapped understand the fundamentals of everyday existence. I once had a moron at work (who use to manage me, until I kicked so much ass I got promoted) criticizing a suggestion of mine by claiming “I don’t understand how anyone can expect this to work.”, to which I replied that we should bring that up with his manager at his next performance review, and that I felt confident that with training and some support he would eventually be able to figure it out. Not only didn’t he thank me for this helpful offer, but got offended and cranky until I got a raise and he got stress-related diseases and had to quit. See what “not getting it” gets you?
The person using this argument implies that they are so intelligent, reasonable and well informed that anything they do not get must be stupid and illogical. Example: “I just don’t get the cause-and effect reasoning, astrology makes so much more sense!” If this example doesn’t make much sense, that’s the point.
Not getting it means you’re stupid, ignorant or both
While I will admit that it is quite impressive for mentally challenged people to find a way to wield their own inability as a weapon in an argument, people like this must clearly be put in their place before they start feeling that they may have the right to an opinion beyond which burger joint they should spend the rest of their lives working in. Fortunately, they are quite easy to put in their place. If you just want to shut them up, the easiest way is to wait for the “I just dot get…” and then interrupt them with “Yeah, that’s the entire problem here, you never getting it!” This has the advantage of being fast and effective, but means that any bystander with a working brain will assume you’re as much of a stupid bitch as the person you’re arguing with. Considering the few amounts of working brains in the universe, this isn’t likely to be a problem, but you should be aware of the risks. If you happen to be around people who you do not wish to alienate by lowering your argumentation to the lowest common denominator level, you can just point out the cheap rhetorical tricks the person is using (I’ve already listed the most common ones so there’s no excuse for not knowing them). Sadly, this means you may open yourself up to more “I don’t get it” arguments from the person you just proved wrong. While none of the people who’s opinion you may care about will be persuaded by this, the ignorant person may leave with the smug feeling of having won an argument with you, and will no doubt post poorly-written status updates about their victories on facebook!
Fighting ignorance with violence
Because of this, I find the best way to deal with these people is to calmly explain to them that you intend to punch them in the face, and that it would make perfect logical sense for them to defend themselves in any way possible. When your victim launches into a rant about how they “dont get why they should have to defend themselves”, you have the perfect opportunity to kick them in the crotch.